Psalm 59: David’s song when hiding from assassins sent by Saul

Since Saul sent those men, I’ve been out of my head.

Hiding all night, cowering in bed.

Well Yahweh, you are so fine,

and I know it wouldn’t take much time

for you to help me, Yahweh.

Help me get away from these men.

Help me, Yahweh.

Help, help me Yahweh.

Help me Yahweh.

Help, help me Yahweh.

Help me get away from these men!

Psalm 54: David’s song when the Ziphites betrayed him to Saul

‘Cause, guys, now we got bad blood.

God knows it used to be mad love.

God, take a look at what they’ve done.

‘Cause, guys, now we got bad blood.

Hey now they’ve got problems,

and no offering can solve them.

God, make a really deep cut,

’cause, guys, we got bad blood.

Hey, you didn’t have to do this.

I was thinking that you could be trusted.

God will ruin all that’s shiny ’til its rusted

It will hit you ’til you’re weak until can’t breathe.

It will rub it in so deep,

salt in your wound and no one will laugh like me.

It’s so sad to think about the good times.

Y’all and I, now we got bad blood.

God knows it used to be mad love.

God, take a look at what they’ve done.

‘Cause, guys, now we got bad blood.

Psalm 52: David’s song when he realized Doeg the Edomite would rat him out to Saul

God don’t get angry, It gets even.

Tell ya, boy, ya best be believin’.

By all the stars in the sky,

Someone will pay for the way you spied.

Don’t you think that I’ll forget.

Might take years, I’ll get even yet.

Oh God most high,

Someone will pay for the way you spied.

All you fools need a lesson,

and God will teach you.

Run and call your mamma, boy.

You’re gonna need her.

Son, god’s got a million eyes.

Nothing’s beyond Its reach worldwide.

Someone will pay for the way you spied.

II Samuel 21

At some point in David’s reign, there was a bad famine. When David had the priests inquire of God, they found out that the famine was punishment for Saul’s attempt to genocide the Gibeonites.

So David called the Gibeonites and was all, how much silver and gold will it take to erase the bloodguilt? But the Gibeonites were all, We don’t want your money. Only blood cleanses blood. We want to sacrifice seven of Saul’s male descendants. David was all, Fair enough.

Now David couldn’t bring himself to sacrifice Mephibosheth or his kids because of David’s love for Jonathan, so he tracked down some of Saul’s daughters and took their kids–three from Rizpah and four of Merab. (Merab, by the way, was married to Barzillai’s son, so the whole exchange between David and Barzillai during Absalom’s exile was of political importance). Continue reading “II Samuel 21”

II Samuel 2: David Crowned King of Judah

Then God told David to take the band and go to Hebron, where the men of Judah came and crowned him King of Judah. Then he sent a message to Jabesh-gilead thanking and blessing them for burying Saul.

Meanwhile in Israel, Abner took a fourth, previously unmentioned, son of Saul, Ish-bosheth, to Mahanaim and had him crowned King of Israel. Continue reading “II Samuel 2: David Crowned King of Judah”

II Samuel 1: David Mourns Saul

David and his men began rebuilding Ziklag and settling their families back in. But on the second day, a bloody and ragged Amalekite soldier stumbled into town and dropped on the ground before David. David was all, Who are you? The guy was all, I come from Saul’s camp to bring you word that Saul and his sons are dead. David was all, Yeah? And how do you know that? And the guy was all, Because I came upon Saul, pierced on his sword, dying, and he begged me to put him out of his misery, so I did. Then I took his sword and armlet to bring to you.

David lamented loudly and commanded his men to put on sackcloth and ashes and mourn and fast for the rest of the day–But only after they killed that dirty Amalekite for daring to lay his filthy hands upon God’s anointed.

Then David wrote this elegy to Saul and Jonathan Continue reading “II Samuel 1: David Mourns Saul”

I Samuel 31: The Death of Saul

Meanwhile, Saul was fighting the Philistines and losing. Jonathan and his brothers Abinadab and Malchi-shua had been killed and Saul was badly wounded by an arrow. He asked his armor bearer to finish him off so that he didn’t die by the hands of the uncircumcised, but his armor-bearer refused. So Saul took his sword and committed seppuku. His armor-bearer followed suit.

Many Hebrew died that day and the Philistines occupied many Hebrew cities. They also cut off Saul’s head and placed it and his armor in a temple of Ashtaroth. They hung his body and those of his sons on the wall of Beth-shan. But the inhabitants of Jabesth-gilead snuck out at night and recovered the bodies and buried them under a tamarisk tree.

And so ends I Samuel, but not the saga of David, soon to be king.