Ezekiel 41: Keep pimping

The entrance to the inner Temple should be huge! Like 9 feet high and 7 feet wide. Those double doors will open onto the nave that will lead to the center–the holiest of holies–my own special room!

I want the inner court and Temple wood paneled from floor to ceiling! And the paneling should be carved. The pattern will be a palm tree flanked by two cherubim–because those things are freaky as hell!

The vestibule connecting the inner Temple court to the inner Temple should be covered by a wood awning, and I want palm trees growing everywhere. When you think there are too many palm trees, plant some more!

This building should be three stories high and make sure to leave room for outbuildings.


Ezekiel 40: Pimp my Temple

In the 29th year of exile, God came to me really excited and was all, When the exile ends, I’ll get to have my Temple rebuilt! My new digs will be so awesome. I’m totally gonna pimp my Temple! Let’s go to Jerusalem, so I can show you what I want! As you can see, the new Temple will be huge! And full of windows. At least in the outer court. Helps open the space up. And I want palm trees growing near every gate. Now for the inner court. I needs to be spacious too, and raised above the ground so humans will have to ascend to get to me. Near the main entrance should be the kitchens and altars for the sacrifices. I like my meat clean and very well done. The priests will have two rooms to share. The Temple priests will get the north room and the altar priests will get the south. Make them roomy–about 9 feet by 9 feet. But leave plenty of room for my vestibule!

Ezekiel 37: Holy zombies

God took me to a valley filled with bones–dry bones scattered about after some great battle–and asked, Human, do you think these bones can live again?

I shrugged.

God said, Tell them to live!

So I said, Bones! God commands you to stand up and live! And lo, the bones came together to form skeletons and stood and then flesh grew upon them. But they didn’t breathe.

God said, tell them to breathe!

So I said, God says breathe! And they did.

God said, I will raise Israel back up like I did these skeletons. In that day, all the tribes will unite as one and will be ruled by a new David whom I shall anoint!

Ezekiel 36: The mountains

God told me to prophecy to the mountains and valleys of Israel as though they were alive and could understand, so I said, Oh, mountains and valleys and plains and deserts where the children of Abraham once prospered! All the nations now scorn you, but God will make sure you are fruitful! One day, after God has punished the Jews enough, It will send them back and make Its holy nation great again!

Ezekiel 34

When the fugitive came with news of Jerusalem’s fall in the twelfth year of exile, God unsealed my lips. I reminded everyone, God made me Israel’s watchman! It is my duty to point out all your sins and crimes! If I do not, I will burn in Sheol with you! Jerusalem has fallen. Those left in Judah, those hillbillies and halfwits out in the mountains and deserts think this is a grand opportunity for them, that all the spoils left in Jerusalem will be theirs! But this is not their time! They too will fall under sword and famine! They too will die!