Genesis 19: Sodom, Gomorrah and Lot and his Daughters

The angels then proceed onto Sodom, to check out things in preparation for smiting. When Lot sees them in the town square, looking around, he invites them to his house for the night. After dinner, while Lot’s in the process of settling his guests for the night, a mob of dudes come, no doubt drunkenly, banging on Lot’s door, yelling for them to send out his guests because they wanna fuck ’em. Lot eases out the door and tries to talk some sense into this violent mob of men who view sex as a right that they can inflict on anyone they see as lesser. Lot’s all, hey guys, right, those men, yes, yes, they’re hot and they owe, sure whatever, but, guys, hey hey, that’s not cool guys, we can’t just rape everyone that comes to town that we think is hot. That’s not cool, guys. That’s a dick move that violates ancient customs of hospitality. That’s the kind of move that pisses God off. But hey, you guys are horny and all riled up, I get it, I really do. But you can’t rape those guys. I know you gotta rape, but not them, see? But hey guys, hey, I got two virgin daughters. How ’bout you rape them instead? I’ll go get ’em for you and everything. And I won’t expect any payment, guys I promise. Rape them all you want, k? Continue reading “Genesis 19: Sodom, Gomorrah and Lot and his Daughters”

Genesis 14

Some time later, power shifted in the region, as it no doubt did with some frequency during¬†an era in which humans lived in small semi-nomadic, familial bands that competed for scarce resources. During this particular power struggle, Lot and his family, who had settled in Sodom, get taken captive by an alliance of other tribal kings. When Abraham hears about it, he rallies his men and goes to the rescue, routing the enemy and rescuing not only Lot, but everyone from Sodom and Gomorrah. Those kings were like, please take all our stuff, we’re just so happy you saved us, but Abraham was all, nah man, it’s all good, and then they all parted as friends.