Joshua 9: The Gibeonite Deception

By this time, all the inhabitants of the land–the Amorites, Hittites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites decided to join forces to fight the Hebrews. But the Gibeonites had a different idea.

They gathered up all their most worn out clothes and packs and saddles and wine skins and loaded up the worst of their provisions and wine and traveled to Gilgal to parlay with the Hebrews. They told Joshua that they had traveled from a far land–just look at how worn out their stuff was!–because they had heard about all the feats and miracles of the Hebrews and they really wanted to make a covenant with them.  So Joshua and the officers shrugged and broke bread and made a covenant without consulting God.

Joshua 8: Conquering of Ai

Then God was all, ok, I’ll help you conquer Ai now. You will burn it like you did Jericho, but this time, I’ll let you plunder its livestock and goods.

So Joshua sent 30,000 men by night to hide to lie in ambush near Ai while he marched with 5,000 men to attack the city. The plan was that when the Aians came out to fight the Hebrews, they would flee before them, leading them away from the city. The the hidden army would leap out and attack and burn the city.

Joshua 7: Some Minor Setbacks

Then Joshua sent spies to check out the city of Ai, and they came back with the report that the city was weak and ripe for the picking. So Joshua sent a small force of 3,000 to take it, but instead, the army of Ai routed the Hebrews and killed thirty-six of them.

When Joshua heard, he tore his clothes and hair and everyone else threw dirt on their heads, and Joshua cried out to God, Why? Why God? You promised we would always win! Why?  God was all, because you guys broke the rules. Joshua was all, what? when?! How? God was all, not everything from Jericho was burned. Somebody took something, and I don’t like that. It all needs to burn and now the person who took the forbidden stuff needs to burn too. Him and his family and all his stuff. Joshua was, As you command, Lord.

Joshua 6: Capturing Jericho

The people in Jericho knew that the Hebrews were close by, so they shut up the city and prepared for a siege.

In the meantime, God told Joshua that the Hebrew army should march silently around Jericho, lead by priests carrying the Ark of the Covenant and blowing trumpets, every day for six days, and then on the seventh day, the march around the city seven times, and then at the end of the last circumnavigation, to have the priests blow long and hard on the trumpet and everyone yell at the same time. (Why this wasn’t considered a violation of the Sabbath and thereby a stoneable offense isn’t explained.)

Joshua 5: Mass Circumcision

When word spread that the Jordan had stopped flowing so the Hebrews could cross over, panic and terror spread through all the Canaanites and Amorites.

However, they really shouldn’t have worried (and really should have gone on the offensive) because Joshua decided that everyone needed to get circumcised while they were camped at Gilgal. Apparently none of the boys born since they left Egypt had been circumcised, and it was time to renew the covenant  with God, since they were finally in the Promised Land. So all the men and boys (because everyone who had been in Egypt had since died) had their foreskins cut off with stone knives and they had to camp out for a few weeks while they healed.

They also celebrated Passover while camped there.

Also, one day, Joshua was out reconnoitering Jericho and an angel appeared before him and freaked him out.

Joshua 4

God had also told Joshua to have the representatives of each tribe dig up a large stone from the river bed and carry it across the river with them.

After everyone crossed over, the priests walked out and then the water started flowing again.

The Hebrews camped at Gilgal and and erected the twelve standing stones as monuments as a monument to the crossing of the Jordan. (There’s no explanation as to how this is different from the pillars that Moses said God forbade).

Joshua 3: Crossing the Jordan

When the day came to cross the Jordan, the officers rode out and told everyone to march out after the Ark of the Covenant had passed by their camp, but that they needed to be sure to stay 1,000 yards away from it at all times.

Joshua also told everyone that God would perform a miracle that day to prove to them that It would help them to conquer the Promised Land.

The procession of priests carrying the Ark of the Covenant, accompanied by a representative from each of the tribes marched through the camp and into the Jordan, and lo, the river stopped flowing and all the water backed up at Adam, a city far far away.  Then the Hebrews marched across the Jordan on dry land.

Joshua 2: Rahab and the Spies

In the meantime, Joshua sent out two spies to scope out the land, especially Jericho. But the guards caught onto the spies, so they hid out a prostitute named Rahab’s house. Her house happened to be located in the city wall, and she took them up to her roof and hid them under sheaves of drying flax. Shortly thereafter, the guards came and drug Rahab before the king, who was all, hey, where are those Hebrew spies? They were totally seen going into your house. Rahab was all, yeah, those guys came by for some services, but how was I supposed to know they were Hebrews? They left my place right before sundown to make it out of town before the city gates closed. You guys should totally head out after them. I’ll show you the way they went.

Joshua 1: Joshua Takes Over

After Moses was dead, God told Joshua that he was to lead the Hebrews across the Jordan and conquer all the land and that God would help. god was all, look bro, be brave and follow my rules and you will never be defeated as long as you live. No matter how grim things look, never despair for I am with you.

Toward the end of the mourning period, Joshua ordered the officers to warn people that they would be breaking camp in three days. Then he went to the Reubenites, Gadites, and Manassehites and reminded them of their promise to send fighting men. They were all, we hear you bro, and we will fulfill our promise. We’ll follow you and may God be with you like It was with Moses.

Deuteronomy 31: Passing on the Power

(Sorry for being a bit behind on the posts. It’s midterm, so there’s been a lot of grading!)

Moses was all, look guys, I’m 120. I’m beginning to feel like butter scraped over too much bread. God’s told me that I won’t be crossing over the Jordan with you. But Joshua here, he will lead you while you conquer the other side, just as he’s led you in battle on this side against the Amorite kings. So be strong! Be brave! God will help you and guide you.

Moses then ceremoniously handed over the scrolls of laws that he had been inscribing ever since Mount Sinai to the elders and told them to store them in the Ark of the Covenant, but that every seven years at the Festival of Booths, the laws should be read out loud to everyone to remind them of how they were supposed to live in order to keep the land.