Matthew 1: Jesus

One day there was this girl named Mary and she was engaged to this man named Joseph. But even though Joseph had never gotten so much as a cuddle, Mary’s tummy started protruding through her smock. She was clearly pregnant. Since Joseph was a decent dude, and he didn’t want her stoned to death for adultery, he decided he’d break up with her all quiet-like. The night before he was going to end things, however, he dreamed of an angel that said it was God that had knocked Mary up, so he needed to go ahead and marry her to make an honest woman of her and to raise God’s kid, who was the savior of the world all those prophets promised. The angel told Joseph to name the kid Jesus, which is cooler version of Joshua, after all the other Joshuas God had favored.

Because Isaiah and the other prophets said that the messiah would be of the lineage of David, it’s important that Joseph, Jesus’s step-dad, was the great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandkid of David.

Ezekiel 37: Holy zombies

God took me to a valley filled with bones–dry bones scattered about after some great battle–and asked, Human, do you think these bones can live again?

I shrugged.

God said, Tell them to live!

So I said, Bones! God commands you to stand up and live! And lo, the bones came together to form skeletons and stood and then flesh grew upon them. But they didn’t breathe.

God said, tell them to breathe!

So I said, God says breathe! And they did.

God said, I will raise Israel back up like I did these skeletons. In that day, all the tribes will unite as one and will be ruled by a new David whom I shall anoint!

Jeremiah 23

Jeremiah continued, Woe to the false priests and prophets who have led you all astray! They are lying fools! No one who prophesied for Baal could also prophesy for the real God! They led our brothers in Samaria astray and they have led you Judeans astray as well! God did not send them. He did not tell them to promise victory. Jerusalem will fall and God’s people will be sent into exile! But one day, God will bring Its people home and set over them a righteous descendant of David. Everything will be wonderful then.

Psalm 148: I want to praise your name

Oh yeah, I’ll tell you something

I know you’ll understand.

When I say that something,

I want to praise your name.

I want to praise your name.

I want to praise your name.

Oh please, say to me

you’ll be merciful.

And please say to me,

you’ll let me praise your name.

I want to praise your name.

I want to praise your name.

I want to praise your name.

Psalm 144: Wonder of all

Today’s gonna be the day

that everbody’s gonna worship you.

By now your love has shown down.

Realized what we gotta do.

I really believe that everybody

feels the way I do about you now.

Back beat, the word was on the street

that your fire might snuff us out.

I know you’ve heard it all before.

You’re omniscient so you’ve never had a doubt.

I really believe that everybody

feels the way I do about you now.

And all the roads we have to walk are winding.

And all your light that led us there is blinding.

There are many things that I

would like to say to you, but I don’t know how.

Because, Yahweh, you’re gonna be the one that saves me.

And after all, you’re the wonder of all.