Ezekiel 5: A real nice haircut

One day after the year and a half I spent laying down, feeling my body atrophy and rot around me, God’s voice came to me and said, Human, take a sword and shave your head! Then divide the hair into three bunches. Burn the first, cut up the second with the sword, and scatter the third to the winds! But keep some of it and sew it into your clothes. Your hair represents that cheating whore Jerusalem. She will feel my wrath. Her people will starve until parents eat their children and children eat their parents! Exile will scatter those that war does not consume!

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Ezekiel 3: Just eat it

Eat it, human! It commanded. So I ate it, and it tasted like honey. Then God said, Human, go to the Jews and give them my messages in plain Hebrew! Don’t fear them. You are as stubborn as they!

Then God beamed me up into the cherubim thing and took me back to Tel Abib where the exiles were refugees. There, I brooded a week but then God spoke to me, in my head, and said, Human! You are now the guardian of the Jews! From now on, you will only be able to speak or leave your house when I permit! And it is now your responsibility to criticize people’s bad behavior! You must tell the wicked that they are wicked, even if they don’t listen. Though they will die for their sins, it is your soul that will be stained! You must warn the righteous to stay that way anytime one of them thinks of slipping. Otherwise, their fall will be on your soul!

Lamentations 4

Desolation haunts the streets;

Even the wealthy hunger.

Starvation’s haggard visage peeks from every window.

Old people lay in streets dying, children beg;

Ladies cook their babies and feast,

Aspiring to live one more day.

Tragedy consumes the city.

In the palace, the princes weep.

Only God can end the suffering

Nebuchadnezzar causes at Its whim.

Jeremiah 19: Broken bottles

So then God told Jeremiah to convince some of the elders and priests to meet him in the Valley of Topheth and to be sure to take a bottle or a flask with him.

When everyone was gathered, Jeremiah was all, Behold, God is going to bring destruction on you all because you have let people sacrifice their children to Baal in this valley! The ground cries out with their blood! Lo, a great battle will be fought here and Judah will lose and her warriors left here to rot. Then Jerusalem will be besieged and food will become so scarce that people will eat their children to keep from starving!

Then he threw the bottle on the ground at their feet so that it broke and spattered them all with shards and shouted, God will break the Jews like I just broke that bottle!