Shortly after the entourage had left to proselytize, John the Baptist, who was still in jail, sent a message to Jesus, praising Jesus and asking for confirmation that he was the messiah. Jesus told the messengers, Well, I’ve healed people and raised the dead, but why don’t you stick around for the show and then tell John your opinion? Then he went before the crowd and started expostulating:
So I know many of y’all used to go see John out in the wilderness. Why? To listen to a prophet from God? Or to make fun of the homeless, starving guy? And now you come to see me, who wears always nice threads. Well, I’ll tell you what. Ain’t nobody–no human, anyway–better than John. John is a latter-day Elijah! And he’s been treated like shit. Y’all made fun of him, out there, alone and scrawny in his hair shirt, the bugs and honey clinging to his scraggly beard. Said he was demon-possessed. Didn’t care when he got arrested. And then I come along, and you come to see me, but then you complain I dress too flashy, that I eat too much. That I drink too much. That my friends are no good. Y’all just dumb!
You think I come to heal and cleanse and shit. But woe! Woe to all those who don’t believe me! Woe to entire fucking cities! Woe to Bethsaida and Chorazin, Tyre and Sidon! And woe to you Capernaum! You don’t want me there?! Well fuck you, cuz I will literally see you in hell!
Y’all need to thank God that I’m here. Thank you, Dad, for finally sending me to set these humans straight! Cuz if they listen to me and do what I say, then you’ll be happy and not smite them. Y’all hear me?