Matthew 17: Shiny

Jesus took Rocky, John and his brother James, and the other James up into the mountains with him. When they got there, he started glowing and Moses and Elijah appeared to have a chat. When Rocky, who wasn’t the brightest, saw them, he was all, It’s a good thing you brought us Jesus! We’ll make three tents for you! Then a voice boomed from the sky, This is my son and I’m a proud dad! At which, the four humans fell on their faces in fear. When they finally looked up, only Jesus was standing there, as matte as usual.

On their way back down the mountain, Jesus was all, Don’t tell anybody what happened until after I rise from the dead. The four groupies looked a little puzzled but nodded. Then they were all, But, wasn’t Elijah supposed to come back before the messiah? Jesus answered, He did, and they chopped off his head! 

When they got back to the main camp, they found the other groupies trying and failing to exorcise a demon out of a boy. Jesus was all, Begone demon! and the boy was healed. Then the groupies were all, Why couldn’t we do it? You said we would be able to! Jesus answered, You gotta have faith, faith, faith. Also, the messiah (wink wink) will soon be executed and will come back to life on the third day.

When they got back to Capernaum, the tax collectors cornered Rocky and were all, So does Jesus pay taxes? Rocky sputtered, Uhhhh, yes? And he hightailed it back to Jesus. Jesus was all, Now Rocky, do princes pay taxes? But Rocky just stood there baffled, so Jesus said, Go fishing, and in the third fish you catch, you’ll find the money for the taxes we owe.

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