Jesus’s entourage was made up of 12 of his closest groupies: Rocky, Andrew, James ben Zebedee, John ben Zebedee, Philip, Bart, Thomas, Matthew the taxman, James ben Alphaeus, Thaddeus, Simon the Zealot, and Judas Iscariot. Now to these his closest groupies, Jesus taught them how to heal people and exorcise demons, and then he sent them out to travel the lands, healing and spreading the message, saying,
Never take any payments or gifts, other than food and shelter from a likely mark. But be prepared, because a lot of people WILL abuse you or beat you or call the cops on you. Suffer through it the best you can and when you get a chance, flee to the next town and hope they treat you better. But whatever you do, don’t stop preaching and healing and the rest, like I’ve told you! All they can do is kill you. And I promise, those towns that don’t treat you right will make Sodom and Gomorrah will look like paradise when I come around!
Some of you look shocked. Don’t be! Even if I’m pretty chill most of the time, remember that I haven’t come in peace. No! I’ve come to punish all the unworthy assholes who don’t believe. Even if that means tearing families apart. But also remember that the people who treat you good and believe you will be rewarded!