Jonah 4: Jonah gets angry

When God told Jonah to tell everyone that It was appeased, Jonah got pissed. He was all, See! This shit is exactly why I tried to run away to Tarshsish! I knew you’d freaking change your mind and make me look like a fool! Just go ahead and kill me. Death is better than going back into Nineveh.

God was all, Come again son? Are you seriously taking that tone with ME?

So Jonah went off in a huff and set up his tent on the top of a hill so he could watch what happened to Nineveh. While he was sitting there pouting, God made a plant grow up and shade his tent, and Jonah slowly settled down into a comfortable brood. 

But in the morning, the plant had died from the heat. To make matters worse, a wind storm arose. Jonah huddled in his tent, faint from heatstroke, wishing death would come more quickly.  God was all, You are so whiny! Now you’re mad that the plant that I miraculously made grow is dead and the weather sucks.

Jonah answered, Hell yes I’m still pissed!

God was all, So you’re pissed about a plant and feel sorry for yourself because you’re hot, yet you have no pity or mercy for that city down there with its 120,000 inhabitants and quadruple the number of animals?


(And that is how Jonah ends. I’m traveling for a couple weeks, but when I get back, it’ll be Micah and more prophecies about the destruction of Israel and Judah)

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