Daniel 3: The fiery furnace

Some time later, Nebuchadnezzar had a giant golden statue erected on the plain of Dura. At the dedication ceremony, he decreed, Anytime music plays, you will fall on your face and worship the statue. Anyone who fails to do so will be thrown into a furnace! Then he cued the band. Everyone present fell on their faces and worshiped.

But later, some astrologers went to Nebuchadnezzar and were all, Those Jews you put in charge of the province, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego? They DO NOT fall on their faces to worship the statue when music plays.

This enraged Nebuchadnezzar, and he had Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego arrested and dragged before him, and was all, Is it true? You do not worship when music plays? If you don’t I will have  you thrown into the palace furnace!

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were all, Whatever. God will protect us. 

This really pissed off Nebuchadnezzar, and he ordered that the furnace be stoked to capacity. When it was blazing, he ordered Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego to be thrown in. He and his court went down to the boiler room to watch the show.

The furnace was so hot that the poor saps whose lot it was to throw in the Jews fell down dead. But the only thing that burned on Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were their fetters.

As Nebuchadnezzar watched, he realized he saw four people walking around in the furnace. He was all, Wait, there were only three Jews, right? His retainers were all, Yes, your majesty. Nebuchadnezzar was all, But I see four. That fourth don’t look quite human though.

Then Nebuchadnezzar drew as close to the furnace as possible and hollered, Hey! Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego! Come outta there!

So they did, and they were as unburnt as a dragon queen.

Nebuchadnezzar was all, Your God is amazing! I now decree that anyone who badmouths the Jewish god will be drawn and quartered and their house demolished!

And he gave Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego a promotion and a raise.

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