One day God told Jeremiah, Look, Jeremiah, I know your mom’s been asking when you’re going to bring home your first wife and give her some grandkids because the neighbors keep asking why a man your age is still single because it’s weird and it’s high time you were settled down and all, but I don’t want you to get married. Or have any kids. They’d just die horrible deaths, so there’s no point in it. Also–and I know everyone’s going to judge you for this too–I don’t want you to go to any funerals or wakes or engage in any mourning rituals. When people ask you why you’re so weird, just tell them it’s because I’ve condemned Judah to pestilence and war. If they ask why, tell them it’s because they’ve cheated on me, and their fathers cheated on me, and their fathers’ fathers cheated on me, and so on…..However….to give them hope, tell them that one day, one future blessed day, after their descendants have learned their lessons, I’ll restore Israel to my favor and the Promised Land.