God continued, Seriously, guys, I live in heaven. Earth’s an afterthought. It’s like my footstool, or that little table that I sit my beer on. Nice, but not necessary. So it really annoys me when you forget your place. I only like humble, contrite, fearful followers. If you’re not afraid and sorry then your prayers are no better than when you cheat on me and pray to Baal or some other god. I hate cheaters. Seriously, everyone does. And you will die a slow, violent, bloody death. But you faithful! You I love! To you I promise that we’ll have a bright future together! I know things are tough for you right now for you little amoeba, but can ladies give birth without pain? So relax. I’ll see Zion born and your country overflowing with prosperity! A princess among nations. My princess! Everyone will be so jealous and will want me to be their god too.
(Finally, that’s the end of Isaiah. Jeremiah is next, so we’ll travel back to the years before the Babylonian takeover and another naysayer who saw it coming.)