Isaiah 47: Babylon will fall

Isaiah told everyone, God has decreed that Babylon will fall! No longer will it be the shining queen city of the Persian empire. No! It will fall low, and be like a drudge, a hooker down on her luck among nations. God only let Babylon flourish as a means to punish the Jews. But Its not mad anymore. So It will crush Babylon and raise up Its people!

Isaiah 46: Our God is the best

Isaiah continued, God also says to all you survivors of Israel: I love you. I have always loved you. I have been with you since you were a little zygote, and I will be with you when you are decaying into mulch. You know I am with you because you can’t see me. I’m everywhere! Unlike those other gods that are trapped in stone and wood. They’re just furniture! What can they do? They have to rely on some human to carry them around! Gods made of gold are just gods made by puny human hands. But I made humans. That makes me the best.

Isaiah 45: Other gods are stupid and fake

Isaiah continued, God says King Cyrus is Its tool and does Its bidding! By Its aid Cyrus defeats other kings, breaks all gates, destroys all temples and claims their treasures for his own! But God doesn’t lend Its strength to Cyrus because he deserves it. No! God does all this to show Cyrus that It is the only real god and It loves the descendants of Jacob best! God helps Cyrus for Its own glory! To show the whole world that It is the best god. The only real god.

God says, Good things come to those who believe in me. But woe! Woe to those who question me, who defy me! Does the clay question the potter? Does the sperm question the man? Does the zygote question the woman? I am these and more! I made you! I am your creator! And I will treat you right, oh descendants of Jacob. Wealthy nations like Cush and Egypt will beg you to make trade deals with them. Nations of hot people like the Sabeans will want to be your slaves because they will know that I am with you. I am the only true god! All the other gods and the people that worship them are just stupid. Those gods are totally fake! But I’m real, and I’m the only one that can make Israel great again!

Isaiah 44: Only God is real

Guys, God wants you to know It loves you best, and It will make life great for you because you belong to It.  It wants you to remember that It’s the only real god–All those other gods are fake! They are just metal and wood! How can anyone believe in a god that’s made out of wood! A wooden god was carved by a man who used the scrap to cook his lamb stew. Come on now! That’s just stupid, y’all. But our God is real! It’s real and It’s everywhere! And It made everything. And you, you descendants of Jacob, It loves best of all! Jerusalem will be rebuilt, and King Cyrus and the Persians will pay for it!

Isaiah 43: Only God can save you

Listen everyone, said Isaiah, God says that It created you. It redeemed you. So you belong to It. It is always watching. It is always with you. It is with you when you cross rivers. It is with you when you walk through flames. It loves you! God would rather see all the rest of the world burn and starve rather than to see one single Jew in peril. It might have hurt you in the past, but now It will treat you better. It will bring you back to the Promised Land.

If you don’t believe me, go ask other people about their gods and see if their prophecies are true. If they promise to love and protect you like our God does? You know our God is the only God. It says It existed way before any other god was thought up. It promises It will bring all the exiles back from Babylon and send all the Babylonians into exile. God says to forget that It was the one that parted the Red Sea and saved your ancestors from the Egyptians. It says to focus on the things It will do and to forget the pains of the past. It will save you, even though you all are a faithless lot that cheats on It and forgets It and never prays or sacrifices to It.

Isaiah 42: Listen to Isaiah

God has told me to tell you all that you need to listen to me! It put Its spirit upon me and sent me here to tell you what It wants you to do! God is saying to me right now, Tell them: Listen to my servant Isaiah. I can hear It and if you were holier, you’d hear It too.

God says to tell you that I am a covenant for the people and a light  for the Gentiles. Me, Isaiah. I’m a light for you all.

So you should all sing praises to God because It has told me that It will save you. If you are blind, It will make you see! I know life sucks for a lot of you right now, what with the wars and the plundering, and the horrific skin diseases, but all that’s happened because you offended God. You deserve all that stuff. But God isn’t mad anymore. It promises to save you all, if you will just repent for your sins and praise Its name. Repent, praise, and then you will get to loot and plunder the next group of people God wants to punish!


Isaiah 41: God’s the only one

Isaiah continued, God says, I am the one who raises nations and the one who crushes them to dust! And I choose you, Israel! You are my servant, my one and only, and I will protect you against all who stand against you! so don’t be afraid of me, my dear little Israel. I know I’ve punished you in the past, but I will help you now! I promise, you will crush mountains with my help! With my help, the thirsty will have water and the desert will bloom. Other nations, other gods are mute idols. I am the only one that’s real.

Isaiah 40: God is in the sky

Isaiah called the people to him and said, God wants me to give you all some words of comfort. It wants me to tell you that all your woes are actually for your own good. God says to tell you that It hurts you to heal you. It watches over you all the time, like a shepherd with sheep. Everything that happens is for the best. You, with your small human mind, just can’t understand God. Human concerns–even the fates of nations–are insignificant blips to God. God is totally beyond human comprehension. That’s why idols can’t represent It. It lives up in the sky and we are all like tiny ants–nay, tinier, like a midge! God doesn’t understand when you complain to It. Your complaints are like the buzzing of midges! So remember, God’s way is the best way and what It does is good. Even when it hurts. Or you die. I mean, who mourns the passing of a midge?