I Kings 3: Solomon’s Wisdom

One night God came to Solomon in a dream and was all, I’ll give you one wish, whatever you want. So Solomon wished for wisdom. Then God was so excited about Solomon’s wish that It promised him riches and honor too.

The best example of Solomon’s wisdom is the time he judged between two arguing prostitutes.

See these two tricks lived together because times was hard and hooking ain’t easy and both had babies whose daddies done split. One night Krystal’s baby up and died from SIDS or something so she sneaked over to Chastity’s side of the hovel and traded the dead baby for the live one.

In the morning Chastity started screaming when she found the dead baby. Then she was all, wait a minute. This ain’t my kid. Where my baby at? Krystal you skank ass ho you took my baby didn’t you? This dead thing’s your! Give me back my baby! 

Krystal was all, That ain’t my baby. This here plump little poop machine here is my baby. You just mad your baby died.

They continued on arguing like this until they were brought before King Solomon. Solomon listened to them going back and forth until finally he was all, Enough! You both want the live baby and disclaim the dead one. Well, fine. I’ll just cut this brat right in two and then you can both have half.

Krystal was all, Alright by me, King. But Chastity was all, Please no! Fine, Krystal you win, bitch. Take the baby. Just don’t kill him, King.

Solomon was all, Clearly you’re the rightful mother, Chastity. Take your baby. Krystal, don’t be such a dirty skank. You two go on now, and keep your moneymakers clean.

Oh yeah, Solomon married the Egyptian Pharaoh’s daughter in a political alliance.


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