Another time, God felt a good smite coming on, so It put it into David’s head to conduct a census to count all the available fighting men–which was a great sin for some reason. David was immediately remorseful and asked God what he could do to make it better. God was all, look I’ll give you three choices. I can curse your kingdom with three years of famine or I can cause you kingdom to be invaded and taken over for three months, or I can cause a virulent three day pestilence. David was all, The first or the last–don’t let me fall into the hands of my enemies!
So God sent three days of pestilence during which the angel of the Lord smote 70,000 men, but when the angel turned toward Jerusalem, God relented and told the angel to stop because It was pretty sure David had learned his lesson.
Now David had been watching the progress of the angel from the walls of Jerusalem, and saw it stop and disappear near the threshing floor of this Jebusite dude named Araunah. Then David went to Araunah and asked to buy the threshing floor. Araunah was all, oh my king, take it for free! But David wouldn’t have it and insisted upon paying good cash money for it. There he built an altar and sacrificed to God.
Well that ends it for the Samuels. Tune in soon for the death of David and the ascension of Solomon in Kings!