I Samuel 20: Jonathan Saves David Again

While Saul was busy talking in tongues, David fled again and met back up with Jonathan. He was all, What I have done, bro? Why does your dad want to kill me?

Jonathan was all, No way! Dad doesn’t want to kill you. Surely he’d have told me!

David was all, Yeah way. And he wouldn’t have told you. He knows we’re besties. Seriously, dude, your dad’s been trying to kill me.

Jonathan was all, Tell me what you want me to do, bro. Anything. 

So David was all, Look, tomorrow is the New Moon feast. Your dad will expect me to be there. If he asks about me, tell him that you told me it was ok if I went home to Bethlehem for a special annual sacrifice. If he’s ok with that, then we’re cool, but if he gets mad, it’s because he was hoping I’d show up so he could kill me. If he’s pissed, you’ll let me know so I can escape, right? Otherwise just kill me now and be done with it.

Jonathan was all, Never! I love you more than life! We swore to God we’d be besties forever, remember? I’ll swear it again! As God as my witness, I will never let harm come to you as long as I hold breath! We’ll try your plan. Hide by our special stone ezel, and when I have news, I will go out to target practice, and when I send the boy to pick up my arrows, if I tell him to bring them to me, that will be the sign that the coast is clear, but if I tell him there are arrows further away, that will mean you’re right, my dad is trying to kill you and you should flee. Got it?

On the first night of the feast, Saul noticed David’s empty place, but he assumed that David must be ritually unclean and unable to partake. But when David was still gone on the second night, Saul was all, Jonathan, do you know where David is?  So Jonathan told him that David went to Bethlehem. At this news, Saul waxed wroth and yelled at Jonathan and called him the queer son of a rebellious woman for loving David more than his own father.

Jonathan was all, why are you so angry, Dad? What has David ever done to you? Why must David die? Saul’s only answer was to hurl his spear at Jonathan. Jonathan shook his head in disgust at his dead and left the feast without eating.

Next day, Jonathan went out shooting and warned David as they agreed. Then Jonathan sent the boy away, and he and David had their tearful goodbyes, hugging and crying and swearing to always love one another.

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