Judges 4: Deborah and Barak

Of course after Ehud died, the people began to cheat on God again. So God let a Canaanite king, Jabin of Hazor, conquer the Hebrews and rule a generation.

In that time, however, a prophetess named Deborah emerged in Ephraim and began judging the Hebrews. One day she called a dude named Barak from Naphatali to her and was all, hey, I know God’s been calling you to gather an army and meet Sisera, Jabin’s general, in battle. Barak was all, uh… look…well…yeah…but…um…look, I’ll go but only if you go with me, right? Deborah was all, fine, pussy, I’ll go, but know that my presence brings you no honor. Everyone will say that it took a woman to defeat Sisera.

So Deborah and Barak took Barak’s army to Mount Tabor, where they met and slaughtered all of Sisera’s men, but Sisera got away. He made it to Heber the Kenite’s camp (who was a descendant of Hobab, Moses’s father-in-law, who has changed name and ethnicity again) near the oak try in Kadesh. Sisera ran into Jael, Heber’s wife, and begged her to refresh him and hide him. So Jael gave him some milk and hid him under a rug. Sisera was all, thanks ma’am. Just tell anyone who asks you haven’t seen me. But after Sisera relaxed and probably dozed off, Jael drove a tent peg through his skull.

When Barak finally arrived, Jael was all, yeah, I’ve seen Sisera. Let me show you where he is, and she took Barak and Deborah to see the corpse nailed to the ground. And lo, it came to pass that a woman did defeat Sisera for Barak.

Without the army, Jabin was easily deposed and assassinated and Israel fell into the hands of Barak.

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