Numbers 21

So then the Hebrews headed toward the Negeb, and the Canaanite king Arad attacked them. Arad won the first battle and took some Hebrews captive, but during the second foray, the Hebrews kicked Arad’s ass. They called the place Hormah.

Then the Hebrews kept traveling around Edom and toward the Red Sea. They kept grumbling about running out of food and water and generally having a shitty time. So God sent fiery serpents among them, which killed anyone that got bit. Of course the people repented again, so God told Moses to make a bronze serpent that would cure anyone who looked at it.

The Hebrews kept traveling and camped in many places. Eventually the got to Beer where they found water and they sang this happy song:

Hooray, fresh water is here, yeah
Ancestors dug the well
And now we find it here for us
That’s totally swell!

Then they kept going until they got to an Amorite lands of King Sihon. They asked for permission to pass through, but he sent the army in response. But in a surprise move, the Hebrews defeated Sihon’s forces and took over all the cities in the Heshon region. Then the Hebrews sang happy songs about burning and pillaging Heshon.

The Hebrews kept pushing forward and eventually, Og, king of Basham sent out his army to fight them, but they kicked Og’s ass as well.

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