Leviticus 15: Other Bodily Functions God Found Gross

God was all, but there are still more gross things about humans that I want you guys to stop. Or at least not come near my stuff while you’re doing it.  Like pus and mucus and other oozy discharges. Absolutely disgusting. A person with one is ritually unclean, as is everything they touch or sit on. And anyone who has any contact with a person with a discharge becomes unclean too. All must be ritually cleansed after evening. The person with the discharge, however, is ritually unclean for at least a week after the discharge stops. And they’ll need to to the turtledove blood ritual.

Sex is pretty gross too. I mean, those faces. But really it’s the fluids that bother me most. So any time a man ejaculates (duo or solo), he is ritually unclean until evening, and then he needs to cleanse himself. Also anything his jizz gets on, including a woman, is also unclean until evening, etc.

I think I mentioned this, but it bears repeating. A menstruating woman is unclean! For seven days. As is everything she touches. If a man is stupid or gross enough to go near her, or anything she’s touched, then he’s unclean too, until his evening ritual cleansing. If a man rides the crimson tide, then he’s as bad as she is and is unclean for seven days too.

But women are generally unreliable and leaky, so if a woman bleeds from that place at any time during the month, she’s unclean, and will remain unclean for a week after the bleeding has stopped. She’ll also need to do the turtledove blood ritual.

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