Leviticus 12: Rituals about Menstruation and Childbirth

Then God was all, while we’re here, let’s go through some other regulations I insist that you follow. Let’s talk about women. I mean they’re just generally gross, but sometimes they are grosser than others. After they have children for instance. All that blood and mucus. And menstruation! Gag. So women are unclean while they menstruate, and men should not go near them or touch anything that they touched, or the man catches the uncleanness like it’s cooties. When a woman gives birth, she is also unclean. If it’s a boy, she needs to have him circumcised on the eighth day. Then she is still unclean for another forty days. If she has another gross girl then she’s unclean for eighty days.

At the end of her uncleanness, she will need to offer a lamb and a bird as sacrifices, and then she can be declared clean and can go back to her normal business and can go around men.

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