Exodus 10: Plagues of Locusts and Darkness

Again God told Moses to go through the same routine with Pharaoh, reminding Moses that it was all pro forma, because It had hardened Pharaoh’s heart against being persuaded in order to justify getting Its smite on against the Egyptians. Oh, and the whole thing would be a great story for Hebrews to tell in later generations. So Moses and Aaron went back to Pharaoh, only this time the plague would be locusts that would devour whatever vegetation escaped the hailstorm.

However, this time after the brothers left, Pharaoh’s entourage turned on him and were all, Ra almighty, Pharaoh, why do you hate your own people? Egypt is already fucked–do we need even more plagues? Let the stupid Hebrews go already. So Pharaoh recalled Moses and Aaron and asked them who exactly did they want to go on this camping trip? Moses and Aaron were like, um, everyone. Pharaoh was all, by everyone, you mean all the men, right? And they were all,  no, we mean everyone, from the oldest grandma to the newest baby. Pharaoh was all, get outta here! I’d let the men go camping, but everyone?! This is clearly just some sort of trick on the part of you dastardly Hebrews. Get out of my sight!

So God brought the plague of locusts, and after a couple days of barren earth and crunchy morning walks, Pharaoh again demanded to see Moses and Aaron. This time he was like, I don’t care who goes on this camping trip, only get rid of these damn locusts! But as soon as the locusts were gone, Pharaoh again reneged on the deal.

Then God helped Moses cause a total eclipse over Egypt for three whole days (even though the sun still shown in Goshen). This time Pharaoh conceded that everyone could go camping, but he insisted that the Hebrews’ livestock stayed put. But Moses was all, nuh-uh, see we have to sacrifice when we get out in the desert and we won’t know what God has a craving for until we get out there. So we got to take our livestock to be prepared for God’s whims.  This, of course, pissed Pharaoh off again (just as God wanted it to), so he kicked the brothers out and forbade them from ever coming into his presence again.

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