Genesis 44

After lunch, Joseph told his steward to load the brothers up with grain, to put all their money back in their saddles, and oh yeah, to hid this silver cup in the youngest man’ s saddle bags.

The next morning, Joseph waited until the brothers had made it several hours out of the city, and then he ordered his men to pursue them for stealing his silver cup.

When Joseph’s men surrounded the brothers and accused them of stealing, they were all, what? We even brought the money back from last time. We don’t know why the money keeps getting put back in our bags. Look, search for the cup, and if you find it, kill whoever took it. Joseph’s men retorted that Joseph had declared that the culprit would become his slave, and the brothers were all, fine, that’s fair. Then the guards searched everyone and found the silver cup in Benjamin’s bags. At that, the ten older brothers were all, oh fuck. What are we going to do? What are we going to tell dad? This will kill him! So they decided to all return to Joseph with Benjamin instead of going home to face their father without him.

When they got back, Joseph was all, the fuck guys? I invite you to lunch and you steal my cup? Don’t you know I’m psychic?  Judah answered, we are so sorry, man. We don’t know why he did it. Look, we will all stay here and be your slaves. But Joseph was all, no. Go back home to your father. Only the culprit stays. At that, the brothers all turned sheet white and trembled. Then Judah was all, um, excuse me, my lord, but may I have a private word? Look, the guy that took the cup, Benjamin? He’s our father’s favorite son because he’s the only remaining son from Dad’s favorite wife. If we go home without him, it’d break dad’s heart. Like literally. I think it would kill him. And lord knows what dad will do to me first, since I pledged my life to return the kid safely. So I can’t go home without him. If you want to make someone a slave, take me, because if you keep Benji, I’m as good as dead anyway.


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