Genesis 34

Unfortunately, the dude that ran the town that Jacob decided to settle in thought Jacob’s daughter Dinah was hot. The dude, whose name was Shechem, kidnapped and raped her. But, he wanted to do the right thing afterwards, and went to the family to offer a bride price with the promise to marry her. Dinah’s brothers hid their rage and agreed to the swap, if Shechem and all his boys would get circumcised. Shechem apparently really wanted to make peace because he agreed to the terms. A couple days later, when all the men were hobbled from having their foreskins cut off with primitive iron knives without anesthetic, Dinah’s brothers Simeon and Levi swooped in and killed them. Then all the brothers plundered the town and took all the women and children as slaves.

When Jacob found out what his sons had done, he got pissed. He was all, what happens when Shechem’s friends retaliate? What happens if we want to move and no one will let us stay because they’ve heard you guys were killers? But his sons were all, who cares, pops? No one treats our sister like a whore.

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