Genesis 4: Cain and Abel

This particular chapter/story was probably the first nail in my coffin of areligiosity. When I first got a bible around the age of 10, and started reading it, I got stuck at this story. No one could tell me who the fuck the people in the land of Nod were that are going to kill Cain, and that plot hole just caused me to doubt everything. That and God’s dickishness to Cain. But I digress. Onto the story.

So Adam got Eve pregnant, and she had Cain, and then she got pregnant again and had Abel. And at some point, she had another kid named Seth and apparently some daughters for her sons to marry. But this story is about Cain and Abel and not those other kids. Anyway, Cain grew up to be a farmer and Abel grew up to be a shepherd. One day they both decided to take their first fruits/baby animals to sacrifice to God. Both chose the very best they had to offer, but God is a strict carnivore, a real meat and potatoes kind of deity and unfortunately for Cain, potatoes evolved in South America, not the Middle East. So God nommed down on Abel’s lambs and kids, but turned Its nose up at Cain’s veggies. This pissed Cain off, and he asked God, what gives, and God was all like, you’re just not good enough, sweetie. Then Cain went to talk to Abel about it. Apparently, they got into a fight, and Cain ended up killing Abel.

Later, God was all, where’s Abel, Cain? and Cain was all, how am I supposed to know? Am I my brother’s keeper? And God was like, you know damn well you killed him, and Cain was like Fuck. So God told Cain It was going to punish him by banishing him, but Cain was like, oh noes all these people who suddenly now exist will kill me for being an outcast murderer. So God was all, I got your back bro, I’ll give you this mark and no one will dare kill you.

So Cain got his mark and went to live in the land of Nod, which was apparently inhabited by some people not created by this God? And he got married, either to his sister or maybe a Noddian chick and they had lots of kids. His first son was Enoch, and Cain founded a city and named it after him.

And by the way, Seth, the third son also had lots of kids, maybe with his sister?  Or maybe some chick from some other land not mentioned yet?


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